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Academic Probation
by Nate Millado
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Sometimes all you need to better yourself is a little encouragement. Which is why we're singling out the following schools-institutions that brought down our grading curve, repeatedly scoring near the bottom of the barrel in survey after survey. Whether it's for having too many fast-food joints on campus, a lack of athletic programs to participate in, or simply not having the most accessible gym hours, these eight schools have been called out on their inadequate fitness by the people who know firsthand just what's happening on campus: the students.
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| America's Fittest Colleges 2006 |
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* California State University-Long Beach
* Carnegie Mellon University, Pittsburgh
* Eastern Michigan University, Ypsilanti
* Flagler College, St. Augustine, Fl.
* Seton Hall University, South Orange, N.J.
* University of Michigan-Flint
* University of Missouri-Rolla
* University of New Orleans
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Reader Comments:
I go to Flagler, and they have just completely revamped their weight room and exercise facilities this year. While I agree that it was completely horrendous last year (with only 1 treadmill, 2 rowing machines and a few bikes until now), I think things have vastly improved here. In fact, the hotties are looking better every day!
-- Jordan
I am a graduate student at CSU Long Beach, and I am not at all surprised to see that my school made this list. While Dining Services has added a line of organic sandwiches and salads to the snack shops around campus (which are rather expensive for pre-made refrigerated options), the quality of food options is generally deplorable. As a result, I choose not to eat on campus at all.
-- Kristy Bertrand
You guys need to check out Malone College in Canton, OH.....Our school would definetely bring down the grading curve.
-- Rick King
I go to Long Beach State and uhm, how is it that we go from being the 20th FITTEST college in 2005 to one of the FATTEST in 2006? lol. Did everyone fit graduate or something? Or is this survey based on a "name out of a hat" lottery?
-- Andy Reyes
I go to Long Beach State and uhm, how is it that we go from being the 20th FITTEST college in 2005 to one of the FATTEST in 2006? lol. Did everyone fit graduate or something? Or is this survey based on a "name out of a hat" lottery?
-- Andy Reyes
Haha, I go to the University of Missouri-Columbia. We have an amazing Rec Center that students flock to. And I have no clue about Rolla, but I know they're in the middle of no-where. No wonder they're on probation.
-- Allan
CMU has a really nice gym that is open regularly, and the cafeteria has quality foods. Anyone that wants to be in good shape there can be, it's not the school's fault if some students choose not to be.
-- Bence
I think Bence is on the payroll of CMU Administration.
-- CMU Grad
Check out how many students at Cal State Long Beach have run the LA Marathon. That may make you think twice about your evaluation of the University. Sure, the food on campus isn't exactly healthy, but the students are fit. As far as muscle tone; Long Beach State is built like a 13 year old girl.
-- Mr. Fit
I pay $46,000 a year to go to Carnegie Mellon. For that amount, we get the most run down, ghetto, pre-1900 fitness facilities around. Cavemen had it better. The food is horrendous and the sports teams are awful. I'm not surprised at all that we're on academic probation. I'm quitting this school and eating a big mac.
-- Ronald McDonald
While we at CMU are quite proud and honored to have made your list, there are several points we raise objections. First, why are we not listed FIRST? Seriously, how can Long Beach, California be less fit than CMU? We challenge them to Madden Football to determine this! Second, your reasons are highly speculative and questionable. CMU is #1 because they select some of the finest unfit people in the country, and torture them with 24 hour workdays in labs and architectural studio. Our dorms and fraternities have plenty of food for the rats, both human and non, that infest them. The students are fed the finest pizzas from a variety of delivery options, and the students drink the cheapest light beer available in quantities that can keep a brewery open for years. While we stuff the lightest and most calorie deprived girls in chariots and train the other 10 guys on campus who can run up a hill without heaving, the other students master engineering of these high tech vehicles while breathing in noxious, deadly, cancerous fumes that produce the finest catabolic effects in the world. And to Ronald, who claims our sports teams are awful, how would you know? No student that isn't on the team has ever attended a regulated sporting competition outside of woman's basketball. But we play the finest version of gym hockey on a hard floor with brick wall barriers in college.
-- Jour Hadique
Its an honor to see Carnegie Mellon recognized this year, even if it somehow fell short of a California school for the top spot. What your article didn't recognize is the outstanding recruitment process the school entails to obtain the finest unfit talent in the country, and how we continue to hone the lack of athleticism through brutal student work schedules that deprive any hope of sleep or nutrition. Your readers should know, though, that short light asian girls are treated like rock stars at our school because of our spring competition. Rest assured, we are taking this criticism seriously and will continue to promote that students switch to light beer. Next stop: Playboy's Top 10 party schools?
-- Sue Herbentia
As a loyal Long Beach State student, I find this rating to be like making Rico Suave one of the Top 50 worst song ever by VH1. This rating cancels out all the other good things about our university. I don't know what supplement you guys took to come up with this rating, but I find this Academic Probation list to be a smear campaign against Long Beach State in general. You should be ashamed of yourselves for posting this drivel in the first place, Men's Fitness.
-- Jo-Ryan Salazar
I graduated from UM-Rolla a few years back. It is a really good school but the girls typically gain the "Freshman 50" instead of the "Freshman 15". Come one ladies, think of your health. The workout facilities are terrible, everyone drinks like New Year's Eve everday and their are no clubs for anyone to get dressed up for. T-shirts and sweatpants are the norm which make it pretty easy to hide those jelly rolls. Everyone is going hoggin' tonight, fo shizzle.
-- Doug Jenkins
Go ahead laugh & sneer Men's Fitness. Laugh at poor CMU & out anemic students. Laugh at our pale sickly women, our glazed eyes (after spending 36 hours straight in the computer lab), our feeble attempts at athletics. Scoff at the ex-students, the failures - the ones who used drugs & alcohol to hide their inability to hack it at CMU. Pity the suicide victims - the ones unable to accept their own averageness and whose fate lies at the bottom of the Panther Hollow Bridge (or the CMU wing at Western Psych).
Yes revel in your own fitness, Mens Fitness magazine readers. Revel in your 6 pack abs, your Division 1A schools, your baseball cap with your beloved college logo on it worn backwards on your muscular head. Revel in your hot girlfriend with her fake breasts (18th birthday present from dad!), her ever-showing thong, her eagerness to make out with other women when drunk.
Feel secure in your sales job. Enjoy your SUV. Laugh with all your wacky cracker friends. File your experience in college under "Best Years of My Life".
Then suffer vicious jealousy as you see Mr. Dorky McCMUster - also known as Nerdy McVirgin - cash in all his GOOG stock (or sell his startup to yahoo) and live the rich geeks dream - hot mail order brides, gigantic house in Woodside, and a Ferrari F430 in the garage...
who is laughing now? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
-- V. O. Lumetric
I am currently a senior at UM-Rolla and would like to graciously accept the award for one of the most unhealthiest campuses in America. We are primarily an engineering university which can be strongly attributed to our lack of caring. We drink every chance that we get, if only to forget where we go to school. There are no girls worth making a good impression on. The average Rolla student will lose 30-50 pounds after leaving the school, but all of that weight will go into our bank accounts. Don't feel bad for us at all because we are having too much fun drinking until sunrise and then firing up some Bailey's and coffee, just to do it all again.
Great article and Cheers,
Mark "Smith"
-- Mark "Smith"
I can assure you, Nate Millado (Too lazy to type out your full name?), that UMR has many sports to participate in, along with all the IM games. We have a full time gym to work out at, the Multiuseless Building, and our campus is one of the few to not have a fastfood joint directly on campus. They're in town, sure, but what town doesn't have the four thousand fast food places to eat at? I call into question whether you have ever even stepped foot in Rolla, because if you've been here, you'll notice a more startling statistic about our school than obesity - The absense of a decent female student body. Literally. I will give you the argument that a number of us miners do have a nicely formed beer belly, but that's because we aren't sipping on wine coolers and smirnoff ices, like our good friend Nate here.
Get a level, dude.
-- I am the Walrus
Go 'O' Fries!!!
-- Snoop (Scottie) Dogg
Yeah that's right, I went Florida State. I got smart and moved to California. They're trying to change the world out in California. Anyhow, I go to Cal State Long Beach. I'll tell you this man, I could care less about your rankings. I just want to get fat, do nothing, and no where. Just be man.
-- James Morrison
I goto UMR, and I agree with the walrus. I am a super senior in engineering, and I weigh about 200lbs, and I work out and play baseketball or raquetball everyday. I played on the football team at UMR, and in my fraternity I've played on numerous intramurals. We have two weight rooms at the rec center that have more than enough equipment in them, and they are open from like 7a-11p or something. As much as I hate school, I don't think it's the schools fault in this case. If obesity is a problem at this school it is because a lot of the people that go here are nerds who never leave their room and eat the fast food. I'm just saying, if people want to work out, they could, it's a personal choice, it's not like the school can force you to do it.
-- -Drunky McDrunkerson
Ya i go to Rolla. And at the University of Missouri-Columbia has a multi million rec center for there students that Rolla helped pay for. But does Rolla have a New rec center, ours is falling apart and we can only raise money for new buildings for Mechanical Eng. So It's not our fault were unhealthy, it's the schools fault.
-- Chris
Chris from Rolla, Its not the schools falt your unhealthy. Its your falt!! The schools could help encourage good fitness. Screw fitness centers do push-ups, pull ups, sprints, hand stand push ups, sit-ups, crunches, more push ups (close grip), More pushups (wide grip), Run stairs, run hills, Saturday morning pushups, Slow pushups, fast pushups, V-Ups, Wide Grip Pull ups, Side grip Pull ups, Hanging sit ups, Eat 6 times a day, High fiber, Protein, Good carbs, whole foods, good fats, and run some more, If you cant run crawl. Do some squats, Box Jumps on a park bench, do some bridge push ups, incline stair push ups, decline stair sushups Wide grip, narrow grip, do some back ups, run backwards. Im tired of hearing excuses!! get rid of the excuses you can work out in small spurts through the day, anytime you have to wait for something drop down and give 20, 30, 40, 50, 100, 200, 300, 800 who cares have these guys can press their own body wait 5-20 reps but lets see them do 800 push ups. I will tell you what the day we stop blaming others and giving excuses is the day we whip this country back into shape.
-- DP
I don't know what Ronald McShit Head was saying but not all our sports teams are horrendous. Last year our Men's Cross Country, Football, and Basketball Team were all ranked in the top 25 for D3 so the kid doesn't know what he's talking about.
-- CMU Undergrad
I am 6'7", bench 325 and have 6% body fat and there are plenty of guys stronger than me at Carnegie Mellon. Its not our fault we have a great Computer Science program.
-- CMU Basketball #40
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