12 Worst Fitness Inventions of All Time
We uncover the dirty dozen
By Sean Hyson, C.S.C.S.
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DR. LAWTON'S GUARANTEED FAT REDUCER
What the hell was it? A round slab of soft rubber with a metal handle.
Debut: Early 1920s
The promise: You can rub body fat off and into the bloodstream (thereby "improving circulation") with this oversize eraser tip.
Our verdict: Useless. Of course, rubbers supposedly got their money back if it didn't
work as promised in 11 days (assuming Dr. Lawton wasn't down in Rio with their cash). If any fat actually was burned by this, it was due solely to the caloric expenditure of rubbing with the thing. "A better idea," says Seabourne, "would have been to walk around the block."
THE TWISTER
What the hell was it? A disc with wheels designed to capitalize on "The Twist" dance craze.
Debut: 1960s
The promise: Twisting like Chubby Checker while on this particleboard disc (sold by Jack LaLanne in his catalog) will burn more calories than sitting down to watch the Chubster do it on Ed Sullivan.
Our verdict: We're stunned that a man named Chubby could even have inadvertently spawned an exercise craze. The Twister was "basically a bathroom scale on ball bearings," confides good sport Dan LaLanne, ol' Jack's son.
ACU-DOTS
What the hell was it? Magnets stuck on thick gauze that would be wrapped around limbs.
Debut: 1979
The promise: Pain relief and increased blood circulation will occur as the magnets "attract" the iron in your blood.
Our verdict: Even the most iron-rich blood doesn't budge-all that these magnets would have attracted was laughter. Amazingly, "These suckers made a comeback in 2001 to 'cure' joint and muscular ailments," says Seabourne. "But most proved to have little benefit beyond the placebo effect."
THE RELAXACIZOR
What the hell was it? A gizmo that, via its "contact pads," electrically shocked the body.
Debut: 1949
The promise: Sore muscles will be soothed by surges of electricity. Because, you know, nothing says "relaxation" like high voltage.
Our verdict: Shockingly, more than 400,000 Relaxacizors were sold before they were banned for aggravating such preexisting medical conditions as hernias, ulcers, and epilepsy. "Legitimate electronic muscle stimulators are great for rehabbing injured muscles," says Seabourne, "but only a trained physical therapist should administer them." As for relaxation, geez, just jump into a hot tub. (Without any electric appliances, mind you.)
THE AUTOMATIC EXERCISER
What the hell was it? A collection of pulleys, ropes, and chains attached by handles and straps to a bowling-ball-size weight-the WWI-era predecessor to Bowflex. The weight lifted the user while he sat there, relaxed (probably because he was finally separated from his dumbbell cane).
Debut: Late 1910s
The promise: "Double your strength, improve your health, and lengthen your life."
Our verdict: Production ended in the '20s, probably because no one bought any, and the few that were sold didn't work. "Any device that can be used to provide resistance to muscles at different angles without injuring the participant has merit," says Seabourne. "But if the muscles themselves aren't doing the work, it doesn't belong in the same class as the Bowflex."
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