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5 Things Men Don't Care About

So stop trying to make us.

According to scientists, the total amount of the data in the world quadruples every, oh, let’s say 20 minutes. We don’t really know the statistic, because we don’t really give a shit about data science. But this illustrates a modern conundrum: How much needless crap do we really have to care about? We’re constantly being bombarded with more and more cultural fads, marketing messages and complaints from loved ones, and it’s time we prioritized—starting with this list of the five least important things to men.


Unless it makes fire to burn food, lights up, beeps, enables us to watch sports, plays music or does a combination of all of the above, we do not enjoy going shopping for it. Guys don’t get together to go on department store excursions and offer advice about whether or not something makes us look fat. When we need clothes, we prefer to get the whole unpleasant experience over with as quickly as possible. If we agree to go shopping with a girl, it’s probably because we want to sleep with her.


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