4 Play Gentlemen's Club
West Los Angeles (310-575-0660)
Though totally nude in L.A. means no booze, who cares? This joint has enough silicone to caulk over the San Andreas Fault.
Southern California strip-club connoisseur Z-Bone rates this the No. 1 nudie bar in the area, and he should know. He's visited every pole-filled dive in the region. "On any given night, you're bound to see knockout, Playmate-quality dancers," he says.
There are 50 or so clubs in the Dallas/Fort Worth area, but as a two-time winner of Exotic Dancer Magazine's Nude Club of the Year, Clubhouse is the best.
"This is one of those places that has everything," says Texas stripper Susan Wayward. "Any type of girl you want, they have." The Clubhouse was also a favorite spot for members of Pantera. In fact, Vinnie Paul hosts a weekly Rock Band competition.
Portland, OR (503-227-3023)
Visit this neon landmark for its vintage blacklight murals, hot nude girls, and relaxed, holein-the-wall vibe. Forty years after Roy Keller turned Mary's into Portland's first topless bar, his daughter slings drinks and a granddaughter gyrates onstage.
"It's not a high-pressure environment at Mary's," remarks Wayward. "It just feels like a party."
Lollipops Gentleman's Club
Daytona Beach, FL (386-254-7800)
What is the Lollipops motto? "Every place else sucks!" And while that may or may not be true, this NASCAR-circuit and spring-break mainstay has earned its place on our list.
It's got three stages, a roster of 150 uber hotties (although no longer topless thanks to a heartless city ordinance), and a client list that includes Evel Knievel, Wesley Snipes, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. among others.
The Penthouse Club
Sauget, IL (618-274-0380)
Although a VIP membership to the Penthouse Club costs $1,500 a year, it's worth it. Hostesses go to bartending, wine, and cigar school. Plus, local law allows complete nudity, liquor, and full-contact lap dancing.
"The girls are hot, and their staff is incredible," says fire breathing porn star Jennifer Steele. You know Jennifer, from Big Boobs Bangaroo 29 and Whack Attack 12. Riiight. That Jennifer Steele.
New York City (212-421-3763)
Manhattan is full of upscale clubs these days, but if the original is good enough for Howard Stern—he reportedly has his own private room-it's good enough for us.
"The girls have great personalities. They smile, and if you turn 'em down for a lap dance, they won't get bent out of shape or get up," says Ryan D. Bowman, author of 9 Rules to the Strip Club. "The club's name recognition alone makes it worth visiting for most guys," he adds.
Penthouse Executive Club
New York City (212-245-0002)
With a celebrity-chef steak house and a 2,000-bottle wine cellar, this opulent, 10,000-2005 square-foot, $10 million pleasure palace is a standout.
This megaclub accommodates 400 patrons and 100 girls a night in lush, cozy themed rooms like the "Harem" or the party-friendly "Penthouse Suite."
"It looks like the Guggenheim,"says Jason Schiffer of StripClubList.com. "And once you walk out, you feel like a million bucks."
We'll take that million in singles, please.
Los Angeles (213-623-3989)
This workingman-style watering hole with its 25 brands of beer, pool tables, and red-brick walls may leave you thinking hofbrau is German for hottie.
Stop by on Mon-days for $2 Coors Light and booty-shaking babes, all of whom are gorgeous but tough as nails. Take Isabella, for example. "She's originally from Queens and doesn't take crap from anybody," says Z-Bone, our friendly professor of stripper-ology.
"Sam's dancers wear their 'tude on their sleeves," he says, "but considering that's all they've got on, for them it works."
Sapphire Gentlemen's Club
Las Vegas (702-796-6000)
In Vegas, anything that is bigger and flashier is always better. "Just like you can't compare a regular hotel to a Vegas hotel, you can't compare a regular strip club to a Vegas club," says Jason Schiffer of StripClubList.com.
Sapphire is humongous. At 71,000 square feet and with a roster of several thousand gorgeous dancers, it's the world's biggest strip club.
And forget the luxury sky boxes. Forget that it's open 24/7. The real reason to visit? Topless bull riding! Four words: Purple. Leather. Assless. Chaps.
Las Vegas (702-796-3600)
A cross between a nightclub and an upscale topless bar, the Rhino's always packed, especially on weekends.
"The waitresses are pleasant, not pushy, and the environment is super mellow," says Dan Hippler, strip-club reviewer for Vegas.com. "Lots of guys go there for business meetings or just to grab a drink after work."
Spearmint Rhino has been named Best Strip Club twice by Las Vegas Weekly.