The year 2011 made these 10 people household names. Let's hope 2012 makes them all household fires.
Dan Israeli 1 / 11
As we try to start 2012 on the right foot, it’s important to remember that all that glittered in 2011 was not gold. Actually, that expression really doesn’t apply here. What we meant to say is, there are a lot of worthless people in the news these days, and 2011 was a banner year.
Here is a list of people from the past year who managed to infect the culture in one way or another. As opposed to <a href="http://www.mensfitness.com/advice/hot-women/the-11-hottest-new-women-of-... target="_blank">these ladies</a>, here's to seeing significantly less of them in 2012.
Let's just get this guy out of the way so we can get all internet snarky about everyone else on the list. While no one is guilty of a crime in this country until they’re convicted in a court of law, the charges against Sandusky—over 40 counts involving sexual child abuse over a period of 15 years—are staggering. The story that broke in November was enough to make Sandusky one of the most despised humans of the millennium, and <a href=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Xy0L8MUsOE target=_blank>his interview with Bob Costas</a> on NBC only made matters worse. When asked by Costas if he was sexually attracted to young boys, Sandusky tiptoed around the question, and didn’t answer with a definitive “no” until 17 seconds had passed. Let’s just move on.
We can think of over 41 million reasons to put this alleged rapper on the list—that being the number (and counting) of YouTube hits for his music video "Donald Trump," one of the year’s most viral sensations not called "Friday." But rather than pick on 14-year-old Rebecca Black, the interweb backlash should really be directed at this cheesy 19-year-old lyricist from Pittsburgh (who ironically used to go by “Easy Mac”). Blame it on fellow Steel City rapper Wiz Khalifa; Miller's popularity has spread to a legion of young followers. Following lyrics like, “Take over the world, watch these haters get mad,” we're proud to count ourselves among the mad. Actually, the thought of a world dominated by this goon gets us terrified.
In theory, polygamy sounds great; the idea of multiple hot wives at a man's beck and call is a fantasy for some. But every time we see an example of it in practice, it’s a freaking nightmare. In advance of the final season of <em>Big Love</em>, the reality TV version of the show, <em>Sister Wives</em>, became a hit in 2011, showcasing Brown's life with his four spouses. While people are clearly watching the show, Brown has drawn the ire of critics and religious groups for exploiting his unconventional (and technically illegal) domestic situation. And then, of course, there was his intro on <em>The Ellen DeGeneres Show</em> back in March. Watch and be horrified.
On the opposite side of the marriage spectrum are Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stodden, a couple of 2011 newlyweds who are into good ole fashioned monogamy. Before we forget, Hutchison is 51 and Stodden is 16. Oh, and Hutchison is a recovering alcoholic/struggling actor while Stodden is an aspiring singer/model (i.e., celebutant/reality TV star). We suppose that information is relevant. Few stories shocked this nation as much as this one in 2011 (Hutchison really owes Jerry Sandusky a thank-you card), and if the Mayan Calendar is in fact accurate, we should be well into season one of <em>Doug & Courtney: A Pervert in Paradise</em>, when the skies rain blood upon us in December.
The Royal Wedding is good and gone, but for some reason there are people still feigning interest in Prince William and Kate Middleton. Why, you ask? Anyone’s guess is as good as ours—we're pretty sure their day-to-day consists of him playing polo while she drinks tea. However, the more heinous offense has been the media’s fascination with Kate’s sister, Pippa who, by all accounts, became famous for being the sister that did not marry a prince. This almost makes the Kardashian dynasty excusable. OK, it doesn’t, but her stupid name is Pippa and her job is “party planner.” Here's to a Pippa-free 2012.
When <em>Larry King Live</em> signed off to end 2010 it was bittersweet for fans, but still a timely decision for the 78-year-old broadcasting legend who literally couldn’t remember who he was interviewing at times. Slipping into King’s penny loafers was this fairly unknown Brit (<em>Piers Morgan Tonight</em>), who's turn as a judge on <em>America’s Got Talent</em> qualified him for the top slot on CNN. Still, while King’s failure-to-compose/finish-thoughts style of interviewing had to go, it’s hard to say whether Morgan’s cocky-yet-boring (read: British) demeanor is any better. The accomplished journalist also dealt with phone hacking allegations in 2011 stemming from his time as editor at <em>The Daily Mirror</em>, but those accusations are way too interesting for him to be guilty of them.
Kreayshawn is the Juliet to Mac Miller’s Romeo of 2011. And by that, we mean they should both be poisoned to death. The two made for a pretty horrific year of white people rapping, and that doesn’t even include those awful Hyundai commercials (we’ll get to the Korean car maker later). While Miller caters to the mainstream crowd, Kreayshawn is more of a quasi-hipster of sorts. Who knows. Who cares? To be quite honest, we have no idea how to describe this mess of a woman. She spits two awful verses in a song, ending it with “I got the swag and it’s pumping out my ovaries.” (Hot tip: stay away from Kreayshawn’s ovaries.)
There was a time when Whitney Cummings looked like an emerging star of female comedy, combining wit and self-aware looks into something both men and women could enjoy. Then, television found out about her and all Fran Drescher broke loose. For anyone who’s seen her NBC (hit?) show <em>Whitney</em>, they know it involves jokes recycled from her standup act (“whoever invented morning sex forgot about morning breath!”) and the laugh track necessary to inform viewers when to laugh at them. To make matters worse, Cummings is also responsible for CBS's <em>Two Broke Girls</em>, which is shoehorned full of hipster references, as well as jokes about Kat Dennings’ vibrator. It’s even worse than it sounds.
It’s hard to say what the New Jersey Nets’ power forward was thinking when he popped the question/signed a contract in his own blood and married multi-non-talent Kim Kardashian in a fairy tale wedding last summer. But faster than he could tie his basketball kicks (we assume it takes a while), Kardashian divorced Humphries after 72 days, leading to publicized dejection and several “(BLANK) lasted longer than their marriage” internet memes.
By now, we should all know her well. For the last month of the year, she infiltrated our television sets with her oversized guitar and love for moderately priced foreign vehicles. And if there was ever a reason for the holiday season to end, her commercial jingle being played over and over was it. Maybe it was all her family-inspired characters. Or just the way she pronounced “Hyundai.” No matter what, we can all take solace in the fact that she will now be banished from the airwaves. (Wait, what’s this? A non-holiday car commercial with a new jingle from the Hyundai Chick??? Noooooo!!!)