If accountants or computer programmers lived the lifestyle most rock stars do, they would not only be 300 pounds, they wouldn't live longer than two weeks. Yet, some musicians seem to have the unique ability to stay thin despite living on beer, drugs, and road food — while others just keep getting fatter. To show both sides of the stage, we compiled a list of the best and worst rock star abs of all-time. Here's a look at the worst:
Bob "The Bear" Hite
This legendary lead singer of the blues-rock band Canned Heat looked more like the Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons than a rock star. An emphatic record collector, he spent his early California years indoors listening to vinyl, smoking pot, and satiating the munchies. Rather than discuss groupies and playmates, he told Hugh Hefner on Playboy After Dark that he owned more than 15,000 78s. Still his 300-pound, fanboy body and abundant body hair didn't stop him from performing shirtless. He and guitarist Hollywood Fats called the late '70s incarnation of Canned Heat "the Burger Brothers," a spoof on the Blues Brothers. Sadly, Hite's heroin overdose/heart attack in 1981 beat Belushi's by a year.
Guilty Pleasures: Listening to records while binge eating alone . . . and shooting heroin.
While she didn't really choke to death on a ham sandwich, as many believe, Mama Cass still holds a lot of space in fat rock history. Her singing career began as a member of the folk group The Big Three (although the other members where normal-size). Despite her initial success, John Phillips didn't want to allow her 250 pounds into The Mamas & the Papas. Finally, he took the "No Fatties Allowed" sign off the clubhouse and she quickly became the most recognized member. Cass was so well received by the music world that even after the band's breakup she went on to have a successful solo career. Unfortunately, after two weeks of sold-out solo concerts in London in 1974, the 32-year old singer died of a heart attack in her sleep.
Guilty Pleasures: Take-out delicatessen food, wine, and ineffectual crash diets.
The lead singer of seminal indie band the Pixies has inspired everyone from Kurt Cobain to Thom Yorke. That inspiration stopped at his music and not his image. He looks like an angry Pillsbury Doughboy who lost his chef hat. While this makes record store clerks love him ("Hey, he looks like me, man"), mainstream America can't consider him a serious rock star. Maybe band-mate Kim Deal wrote the song "Gigantic" based on him. In a 1997 interview, Black mentions the band's contract rider for shows includes lots of hummus and pita bread. That must be a truck-full. He also said he needed to start jogging . . . apparently that hasn't happened yet.
Guilty Pleasures: Wine, Indian food with David Bowie, and fighting with Kim Deal.
There are conflicting origin stories about Marvin Lee Aday's unflattering stage name. However, it seems to have followed him from childhood, a gift from his angry alcoholic father. After attempting to dodge the Vietnam draft by gaining 68 pounds in four and a half weeks, Loaf ignored his draft notice and founded the band Meat Loaf Soul, which later became Popcorn Blizzard. To this day, Loaf is all about the food. He abandoned vegetarianism for pork, recently appeared in A1 steak ads, and named his last tour, Casa de Carne ("House of Meat"). His neck might be eating his face, but at least he's still performing.
Guilty Pleasures: Pork chops, beer, and fantasy football.
In 1999, at 32-years old, The Blues Traveler singer suffered a near heart attack from 95% of his arteries being blocked. Years of compulsive eating led to this and adult diabetes. He underwent a gastric bypass surgery and lost a considerable amount of weight, but has gained much of it back. Two years ago, he was arrested for marijuana. When will he learn the pot is a gateway drug for Twinkies? Police also found 13 firearms, a switchblade, a Taser, and night-vision goggles in his car, which had flashing headlights and a siren. He claimed it's in case of a natural disaster. Pot also causes paranoia, you know?
Guilty Pleasures: Pot, junk food, and spy gear.
See Also: The Best Rock Star Abs