We're not going to bother you guys with a power ranking every week. You're just going to go to ESPN for that kind of stuff. We can say definitively, however, who the best team in football is: the Tennessee Titans. They've got a defense that can rival Baltimore's early-2000 era D as one of the modern-day best, two punishing running backs that can steamroll down the field, and the best coach in football in Jeff Fisher. So if this season is any indication, this is the week they go down, right? It's just been that kind of season. Let's start with their Monday night showdown with the Colts.
- Will Indy ever look like Indy again?
(Throws hands up) It's like losing an old friend, isn't it? The Colts have been maddening this year, up and down every week and completely unpredictable. They had to pull two games out of their ass against the Texans and the Vikings, before lumping up on Baltimore, and then getting throttled by Green Bay. Impossible to figure them out. And the Titans, fresh off their 330-yard rushing performance on the road in Kansas City last week, should be able to dominate steamroll them with power football, which is why they won't, because this is the bizarro NFL where nothing is exactly as it seems.
- Why are the Saints the home team in London?
The league continues exporting it's product overseas with a regular season game between the Chargers and Saints this week from London, England. Last year, the G-Men and the Dolphins squared off in a mud bowl of sorts across the pond. Which is fine, both the mud and the England, but honestly - after having their schedule shaved due to Hurricane Katrina a couple years ago, and sort of constantly dealing with extreme weather, did the NFL really need to make the Saints the home team, robbing them of a home game in Louisiana for this one? It's completely arbitrary who wears what colored jerseys, and really, really stupid to put them at a disadvantage the rest of the way.
- So, how about them Cowboys?
What about them - they're miserable. Not only do they not have star QB Tony Romo for a few weeks after breaking his pinkie against the Cardinals, but they're looking WAY overrated on both sides of the ball. DE DeMarcus Ware has been beastly, but their secondary simply can't stop the pass, there are tons of big ego's to quell on both sides of the ball, and they don't seem to be able to pound teams with the run like Emmitt and the Boys used to in the 90s. It's just an awful situation all the way around.
At least we'll always have Emmitt, right?
- Which is the worst team in football, the Lions or the Chiefs?
What an miserable debate to have to have. Well, the Lions start a QB who isn't exactly sure how to play football, but the Chiefs just signed Quinn Gray. We'll call that a wash. The Lions have Rudi Johnson at running back, but the Chiefs have Larry Johnson, who's benched for this week's mauling due to his trouble keeping his hands to himself. Ugh, points for the Lions, I guess. And, to be fair, the Lions' biggest win of the year was when they fired their GM, and they have worse uniforms. The black trim has never, ever worked for any team in sports. It seems forced. And what is the hole about? How could you design a logo with a hole in it?
At least the Chiefs have some tradition on their side, and after they draft Chase Daniel in the 3rd round in this year's NFL draft, they'll have a real QB. Chiefs on percentage points.
- What's the game of the week?
Easily, the slugfest between the Steelers and Giants. Both are top-tier teams (it's now an exclusive group, with only Tennessee and Tampa Bay joining them, we guess). For a Giants team that's rolling, but seems to simultaneously struggle with putting teams away, this would be a gigantic win. Something tells me we get at least one alternate or throwback jersey in this game. Just a hunch, based on nothing.
- Who's the upset pick of the week?
Usually, a rookie QB on the road spells disaster, but I'm coming around to this Matt Ryan character, which is very difficult to do, since he's from Boston. But look at the production from the Falcons - they have a big offensive line and a wonderful back in Michael Turner, and there's some pride there now. The Eagles should win this game, getting Kevin Curtis and Brian Westbrook back, but again, nothing at all has happened this season the way it's supposed to.
- Oh, and about that Ravens defense.
Do not mess with them. They knocked Rashard Mendenhall out for the year, and apparently have a pot going to see who can knock out Hines Ward. They are scary men who I do not want to double cross.
- Because we have to: Seahawks or Niners?
Let's hope, for the Bay Area's sake, that Mike Singletary is as good of a coach as he is a beady-eyed middle linebacker.
- Is this the end of the wildcat offense?
Yes. Yes it is. Bills roll.
- Can we all agree to just ignore Brett Favre and hope he goes away?