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The White Mamba: I'm Coming Home

Brian Scalabrine pens a hilarious LeBron parody letter.

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Brian Scalabrine is returning to the Boston Celtics as a broadcast announcer and he’s getting started much the same way he did as a player. No matter when his name was called – which wasn’t often – he was ready to make an impact on the game. Scalabrine penned a truly hysterical LeBron James-style “I’m Coming Home” letter, which was posted to cnsne.com.

Seriously, this just adds to the many reasons that a guy like Brian Scalabrine is a fan favorite. For starters, he doesn’t look like the average NBA player. He looks more like the tall guy that you’d see in your after-work pickup basketball league. But he’s also the kind of guy that you’d love to grab a beer with and watch the game. Now Bostonians will get to hear him call their games.

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This letter is just one more reason to love the White Mamba.

Honestly, his entire letter is is worth reading. Even better if you read it out loud. He parodies James’ delivery perfectly, complete with a few random tangents that are just genius. Here’s are a couple of highlights:

I guess I was kind of like the fans except I had a courtside seat for free and if we were up by 20 with less than two minutes to play I would get to go into the game.  Where was I – the great American city of Boston.  In Boston, people's passion can be overwhelming.  But it drove me.  The Celtics hadn’t won a championship since the Larry Bird era of the 80s, so I wanted to give them hope when I could.  I wanted to inspire them when I could.  My relationship with Boston became bigger than basketball.  I didn’t realize that when I left Boston in free agency four years ago.  I do now.

He relieved a time when he left Boston and signed with the Chicago Bulls, comparing it to “graduate school” and like LeBron, refused to promise a championship in his first season.

When I left Boston, I was on a mission. I was seeking another championship. I wanted to ride in another parade, pop enormous bottles of champagne, and maybe even crash the podium.  But Chicago already knew that feeling with MJ and Oakland had that feeling in baseball with the Bash Brothers.  How did those guys only win one ring together? Seriously. Celtics fans haven't had that feeling since I was last there.  My goal is for the Celtics to win the most titles of any other NBA franchise, and I will not sleep until we are done.  No question.

I always believed that I’d return to Boston and finish my career there. I just didn’t know when. After the season, I went to see 22 Jump Street. Then, I saw They Came Together with Paul Rudd and Amy Poehler. It was delightful. But I have two girls and one boy. We have a lovely family. I started thinking about what it would be like to raise my family in Boston, well not like downtown, more like Metro West or at least twenty minutes outside the city. I looked at other teams, but I wasn’t going to leave Oakland for anywhere except Boston…or maybe Chicago…or maybe Brooklyn…or possibly Los Angeles to go back with Doc. The more time passed, the more it felt right. This is what makes me happy.

Perfect.  The whole thing is perfect.

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