'Toon-Up
by Nate Millado
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What’s old is new again. First it was the Ninja Turtles topping the box office in March’s
TMNT, now CGI-ed Autobots and Decepticons in this summer’s big-budget
Transformers. Even a new
Speed Racer’s revving up, with
The Matrix trilogy’s Wachowski brothers at the wheel. The “next great remake” starts and ends with these old-school cartoons (action figures not included):
ThunderCats
The pitch: After escaping their exploding planet, our favorite feline heroes land on Third Earth, where they duke it out with bandaged badass Mumm-Ra. Can’t you just hear the roaring rendition of the catchy theme song (by the Killers, perhaps) over the closing credits. ThunderCats—ho!
Essential casting: Years of playing Wolverine in the
X-Men trilogy and upcoming spin-off makes Hugh Jackman the hair apparent to inherit the role of Lion-O, Lord of the
ThunderCats. Our pick to play spotted sexpot Cheetarah: Scarlett Johannson.
Voltron
The pitch: Robotic lions, manned by five young pilots, form the giant, sword-wielding Defender of the Universe to protect the people of Arus from terrorizing Robeasts. Since we’re crazy about crossovers, we’d totally geek out over a match-up between
Voltron and Japan’s other cool export, Godzilla.
Essential casting: Pirates swashbuckler Orlando Bloom would nail the quiet confidence required for Voltron Force leader Keith, the black lion commander.
He-Man
The pitch: Never mind the woeful
Masters of the Universe. Our last memory of that forgettable flop is buried in a 1987 time capsule somewhere (along with New Coke). Now, director John Woo (
Face/Off) is reportedly resurrecting the franchise. By the power of Gray Skull, we hope he does it justice by keeping the action in Eternia—and not revisiting the campy “He-Man-in-America” storyline that plagued the last live-action attempt.
Essential casting: Sure, Dolph Lundgren looked the part but mumbled his way through half the movie. On the other hand, Brad Pitt’s godlike physique in Troy shows he’s built for this part, while his Oscar nod for 12 Monkeys proves he’s an acting heavyweight, too.
G.I. Joe
The pitch: C’mon, the real American heroes need no introduction. For cinematic inspiration, Hollywood honchos need only look to the underrated
G.I. Joe: The Movie, which deftly juggled multiple characters and storylines and featured a hard-hitting showdown at the Statue of Liberty—all within the first five minutes!
Essential casting: With Marine experience under his belt, WWE star John Cena would make a great Duke. And after Angelina Jolie takes a breather adopting babies, maybe she could adapt the role of Cobra bad girl Baroness.
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