5.) Be good, for goodness sake.
Your girlfriend's bringing you home — to her home — for the holidays to "meet the Fockers." Trouble is, last time you met a significant other's parents, you humiliated yourself by using the salad fork for your entree and the butter knife as an assault weapon. Not to worry, says Peter Post of the Emily Post Institute. (Hey — wonder if he knows Peggy?) If you play your utensils right, you can actually convince her snot-nosed, silver-spoon family that they're not good enough for you.
Game Plan: First, bring a gift. Just grab a poinsettia at Safeway for $5.99. Then make sure you go with the flow. If it's apparently a family tradition for the men to whip potatoes for the holiday feast, don't sit in the living room sucking a Bud — grab the tub of butter and help. And make your own damn bed, you lazy lout.
Bonus: Want to ensure a place in your girl's heart? Send her parents a hand-written thank-you note when you get home. They'll love you for it — and none of your buddies will ever find out.