Kind of like that overplayed Katy Perry song, but in real life. She’s nice and then not-so-much—and it’s always your fault. That’s not fun. “Some women have been socialized to believe that they have to torment a man before he’ll value her, says Judith A. Swack, a relationship specialist at the Boston Center for Adult Education. She explains the flawed thought process: “If he puts up with her and stays with her, it proves that he’s the right man.” Don’t put up with the games—unless you like to lose.