The problem with learning information that you’re curious about, but also would be fine not knowing since you’ve done without it up until now anyway, is that you can’t undo or erase it from your mind once it’s said or presented to you. That’s basically what’s about to happen now that you’re going to find out the things she says to her friends about you that you never knew (or pretended not to know) before. Reader beware.
Women care all about how nice, cute, and caring a guy is first and foremost, right? Apparently not when they're talking to their friends about you, according to Wendy Walsh, Ph.D., author of The 30-Day Love Detox. What a good job he has, how ambitious he is, and even how much money he makes, Dr. Walsh says, are often the most important factors and main topics of conversation when a girl you’re dating talks to her friends about you. “Resources are the biggest male status indicator and women compete with other women.”
There’s more depth to a girls’ Sunday brunch conversation than just the amount of money their men make. Your abilities (or lack thereof) in the bedroom will creep into the conversation, as well. “Now don’t get me wrong, whether or not he is good in bed is just as important,” Jasmine Diaz, Celebrity Matchmaker and Dating Expert, says. “That will likely be the second thing we share rather than the first.” As long as you’re making a lot of money and don’t suck in bed, you should be fine...
So, you’re a guy making lots of money and you're a stallion in the sack—you’re basically the ideal mate and will give your partner lots of things to brag about, according to the experts. So, what’s next? “Marriage and family,” Diaz says. “We talk about that more than anything else. If you go back to those awesome teen years, you might remember a girl who had a crush on you in middle school. What you didn’t know is that she had a binder filled with your name (Mr. and Mrs.) with hearts, your children’s names, the dress she wants to wear to your wedding, chapel and reception locations with magazine cut-outs; we’re very in tune with our future. Even as young girls.” If only we treated the girls who had crushes on us when we were teenagers better…
Man, women really like to talk, especially about their men and intimate relationship details. “If the relationship is new or uncertain, women often bounce questions off their friends that reflect their anxieties about the relationship,” Irene S. Levine, PhD and author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend, says. “’Do you think he likes me?’ ‘Do you think he’ll want to get-together again?’ ‘Should I call/text him?’” We're starting to understand why “Sex and the City” was such a popular TV show.
Turns out, nice and caring do come in to play—eventually. Another common topic: “Whether or not he’s good at courtship and how much effort he puts into the beginning of a relationship,” according to April Beyer, the Founder and CEO of Beyer & Company, a Personal Matchmaking and Relationship Consulting Firm. If you’re doing the right things, you won’t have too much to worry about.
It depends on the woman, but you may be compared to her exes, according to Jane Greer, Ph.D., a New York-based relationship expert and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship.. “A woman might say something like, ‘Remember Bill and how he was so clingy? After we made love, he wanted to lie in bed for hours, and I didn't like that. Joe is completely different! I love it,’” Greer says. As much as you may not like being compared to another guy, if she’s praising you, just accept it.
“Friends and family are always a topic of discussion,” Beyer says. “Women truly feel that a man’s friends are a direct reflection of his character and even relationship readiness. Relationship-minded women tend to always look for a man who is close with his family and has formed long lasting connections with quality friends.”
Even if you’re not sure where you stand in the relationship, she’s probably planning the next step, according to Diaz. “What men don’t realize is that many of us are ready for commitment, even when you haven’t decided where the relationship is going,” Diaz says. “We’re very serious about this part of our lives, and our friends are cheering us on. If you’re a man who is not interested in commitment, it’s best to share this with your lady before she orders the invitations.” Jokes aside, it’s probably not the worst idea…
Oh, and whether or not you’re well endowed may enter the conversation, too, according to Greer. “If they're discussing size, it's usually because they're displeased or unhappy with it.” Jeez! Is nothing sacred with women?
Hallelujah! Score one for the good guys and the not so good guys who are being protected by women who are only sharing the best of the best. “She will tell them mostly the positive, thoughtful things—the places he takes her, the nice things he does for her,” Greer says. “She'll edit out the stuff she doesn't like—unless she wants their opinions on something negative he did or said.” Now we’re talking. Keep the praise coming.