For the last 10 years, I’ve been a professional dating coach with Love Systems. I help men succeed with women, from meeting and attracting women at bars and coffee shops straight through relationships and even breakups.
One thing I’ve noticed across over 10,000 clients is that dates are actually the worst place to screw things up. If you mess up when you first approach a woman, you’ve lost 15 seconds and maybe bruised your ego. If things don’t go well on a date, you’ve lost the time and money from the date itself, from the first time you met her, and all of the phoning and texting in between. Fail early, not late. To that end, I’d like to share these nine dumb things not to do on a first date. These tips won’t get you the girl on their own, but they’ll stop you from sinking your own ship unnecessarily.
Dumb First Date Move #1 – Expect her to pay
The biggest rule with money and dating is to never let money cause awkwardness. Don’t look at money as a tool in your arsenal. Think of it as a bomb you don’t want to go off.
For example, most women will expect you to pay for at least most of the first date. In an age of equal-pay laws, you can be political about this, but what’s the point? Plenty of things in our world are illogical, and you’re not going to get much sympathy talking about how men get a rough deal in society. Assume you’re paying.
Now, some women will resent the notion that they need to be paid for on the first date. So if she insists on splitting the bill or paying for some activity even after you’ve declined her offer once, then let her. It’s that simple.
Dumb First Date Move #2 – Take her somewhere super expensive
This is a more subtle flaw than expecting her to pay, but it can be just as devastating.
A lot of women will be turned off by an overly-expensive first date. They will be anxious that you will “expect something” at the end of the night for what you spent. Or they will wonder if you have so little going for you that you essentially have to try to buy affection.
Even if she’s not turned off, overspending can be counter-productive. A friend of my ex-girlfriend was being pursued by a rich businessman from Hawaii. He flew her around, bought her jewelry, and spared no expense. I asked her how he was in bed. Her response: “Are you kidding? I’m not going to sleep with him. if he’s spending this much to pursue me, I’m going to keep the chase going as long as I can.”