Dumb First Date Move #3 – Overinvesting
The Dumb First Date Move #2 was overinvesting financially, and #3 is overinvesting in any other way. When I was in college, long before Love Systems, I invited a woman to my place for dinner. I cooked a delicious meal from scratch and organized my apartment to be lit entirely by over 200 candles. It looked beautiful. It was romantic.
And it was a complete failure.
Overinvesting on the first date sends the same kind of signals as telling a woman you just met what an amazing person she is. It makes most women uncomfortable, because she knows she hasn’t earned the value you are placing on her yet. So your affection isn’t about her – it’s desperation, or a mechanical desire to be with any attractive woman you see. Neither point of view is attractive to most women.
Dumb First Date Move #4 - Grill her
Don’t bombard her with questions. So many men do this, and I’ve heard lots of women compare the process to “interviewing for a job that I don’t even know if I want.” No one goes to job interviews for fun.
But isn’t the point of a first date to get to know each other? Yes – but getting to know each other is as much about chemistry and emotional fit as it is about comparing facts about each other’s lives.
Of course, you’ll want to ask some questions – and you should. But questions aren’t the only way to get information. If you tell her something about yourself, she’ll probably reciprocate with the same information. Or use statements or even guesses. Instead of asking her what she studied in college, take a guess. Instead of asking her how she felt on her canoe trip, tell her it sounds very fun and peaceful. And so on.