BlogsAre You Setting Her Up to Cheat on You?
Have a hunch that your girlfriend is straying from the relationship? Experts weigh in on why she might be tempted to look elsewhere.
Guys get a bad rap for being the ones to jump into bed with any hot women they see, regardless of their relationship status. But women are completely capable of cheating, too (cough, Kristen Stewart, cough).
If she strays, it might just be part of her DNA: “Some women are always just going to be cheaters," says Nick Savoy, president of Love Systems. "And the best way to tell is to ask questions very early on, in a way that's not threatening or judgmental. Maybe tell a story about a friend of yours who just cheated on her boyfriend. You'll learn from her reaction."
But if it's not in her nature to cheat, then her reason for going rogue might be on you (sorry, man). We asked relationship experts to pinpoint the things you could be doing to drive her to cheat. Here's what they had to say:
1. You don't make an effort to cheer her up
Laughter is key in any relationship, especially when she's stressed with work or going through a rough time with friends or family. You need to make her smile, and if you just don’t have that humorous spark you once had anymore, then she may look somewhere else to find it.
2. You close her off
“Lack of intimacy in the relationship will have a woman looking elsewhere to fulfill the need to be desired and appreciated," says relationship expert Dr. Charley Ferrer. "Sex is great. However, if you’re not connecting on a deeper level, sharing your hopes and desires, you’re merely scratching the surface. Women want you to listen to—not fix—what’s wrong. By listening to her frustrations and triumphs you build intimacy."
3. She's feeling ignored
When you landed an awesome promotion or scored the interview of a lifetime, she was there to celebrate your achievements. But now the tables have turned and good things are coming her way. If you aren’t acknowledging her accomplishments, she's bound to feel ignored—and frustrated. When you're in a relationship, take note of the things that matter to your partner in order to make her feel respected and cared about.
So, what do you do?
If you suspect your partner is cheating, consider why she'd do it before confronting her about it. Also decide what you'll do if your suspicions are confirmed: leave the relationship.
If you notice shifts in your relationship, don’t ignore them—communicate, says Barbara Carrellas, sex and life coach and author of Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century. The only way to counter the problem of cheating in a relationship is to face issues head-on.