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How I Knew She/He Wasn’t “The One”

Real-life red flags that you—or your now-ex-girlfriend—should have ended it then and there.


The problem: “In college, I applied to intern and live in New York for a semester. My boyfriend had always wanted to study abroad in Ireland, but didn’t even apply because he couldn’t imagine being that far apart for an entire semester. I went to New York anyway. He was willing to give up something he dreamed about for a relationship. I wasn’t.” —Noelle, 24

The rationale: “This is a case of varying priorities and values,” says Alpert. “There's no right or wrong here - just different values and goals. Sharing similar values, goals, and priorities will ensure a much better relationship.”

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The problem: “My multi-year long distance relationship didn't work out. Should have known from the beginning since it started while she was dating someone else: my best friend.  She visited me a few days before I went to basic training to tell me she didn't want to be with only one person any more. I've been single since and lost my best friend because of that rotten girl.” —Skylar, 26

The rationale: “Guys should never go for their friend's girl - there are plenty of women out there to pursue other than the one your friend is sleeping with,” says Alpert. “Getting involved with someone who is currently with someone may backfire - she has demonstrated that she can cheat - and if she did it to one guy then she can do it to you.”

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The problem: “I dated this guy for just about a year. He loved Lebron James and the Miami Heat. As a Magic fan, his super-fandom was one of the worst things he could say every time we spoke. Also, he always added hot sauce to everything he ate. I never understood that. Hot sauce cannot go on everything! To boot, he was a cheater and a mama's boy.” —Preya, 26

The rationale: “Since I believe that  times out of 10 the ‘once a cheater, always a cheater"’ adage is true, it seems pretty obvious that this will come with relationship issues,” says Russo.

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