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How to Introduce Yourself to a Woman Without Coming Off Like a Total Stalker

Our resident lady humorist, Jena Friedman, talks you through this precarious situation.

"I see the same girl on the bus each morning—we make eye contact, and once actually smiled at each other, but that’s it. I’ve even started staying on the local bus instead of switching to the express so I’ll run into her. I want to talk to her, but how should I go about it? I don’t want to come off like a stalker…" — LEN C., CHICAGO, IL

Are you a stalker? If so, I’d say just keep doing what you’re doing.

For the nonstalker who plots his commute to run into his crush but wants to take it to the next level, the next best move is breaking the ice with “hi.” If she says “hi” back, that’s a good sign. And watch body language: If she opens up and turns to you, go on to something provocative, like “My name’s ___.” 

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If she tells you her name, maybe ask where she works, then schmooze a bit. For example, if she says, “Planned Parenthood,” you could say you applaud her efforts to provide the community with affordable, quality health care, like mammograms and birth control, then get out your phone and make a nice donation at See how that works?

Once the phone’s out, slyly ask for her number. Twenty bucks says she’ll give it to you—and so will I, you stud.

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