5) You forgot to “Clear History”: For most guys, porn is simply a reality. (And it’s about to get even more real, as some leading online porn auteurs begin to make the transition to 4K Ultra HD equipment. Just saying.) But if your spouse catches you—ahem—clearing your cache at the computer, she’s probably going to wonder why she’s not enough for you. “Unless it’s an unhealthy addiction, porn can offer guys a quick and uncomplicated way to relax,” Meyers says. To persuade her that she’s not competing with the screen for your affection, prepare for a thorough tongue-lashing—and I’m not talking about a yelling match. Hey, you must’ve learned a new trick or two from the Interwebs—it’s time to show her.

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6) You noted her weight gain: The key to surviving a week on the sofa is a comfortable pillow. Remove the sofa’s backrest for more space, and foam roll in the morning to stay limber. And fold up your damn sheets!