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How to Use Tinder with Tact

Six rules for navigating the dating space where looks matter most.



5. You win at Tinder by not using Tinder.

Look for the first convenient excuse to move from Tinder messaging to real texting. If not, the conversation will end as soon as either of you closes the app, at least until you’re both on again. 

It also builds momentum (you’re escalating the intimacy of the conversation) and will encourage her subconsciously to think of you as “someone who is part of my life” as opposed to “one of the 163,485 profiles I matched with on Tinder.”

The first convenient excuse is likely to be an emotional high point (just like the first time you should go for a kiss on a date is at the first emotional high point, not at the end of the night). Usually an emotional high point is where you make her laugh, or she gives you a big compliment.

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6.Walk the walk.  Don’t talk the talk.

Momentum is crucial. Tinder isn’t like a party where you can meet and attract a woman and then give her a couple days to think about you and wonder if you’ll call before you actually get in touch.  You’ve never met her. No matter how awesome your pictures or Tinder-chat, she’s really not that into you. You can be forgotten in a day.

Get the meet out of the way quickly.

After a few texts, I advise clients to say something like “Let’s see if we have chemistry in person; that’s the most important thing for me. What’s your schedule like the next couple days?” If you can avoid it, don’t plan more than a couple days out, or you’re just asking for a flake.

Getting from texting to the date is a whole book in itself. (Actually, it’s part of two books: The Ultimate Guide to Phone and Text Game by Nick Braddock and Date! by Daniel Vercetti and Nick Hoss). But as a starting point on having great text game, check out this Men’s Fitness article on what NOT to do when you text women.

Most of all, have fun with it. Women date men who are fun and make them feel good.

Nick Savoy is the President of Love Systems and a frequent contributor to Men’s Fitness. Follow him on Twitter @LS_Savoy.

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