4. Don’t be blindsided.

Here’s the thing: Cheating’s not necessarily driven by status, sex appeal, or money. So while you’re worried about the hot boss who makes big money at her workplace, maybe you should be wary the dorky best friend with the deep emotional connection.

“Demographic factors, such as age, ethnicity, income and education were not important predictors of infidelity,” says Mark. “For women in our study, it was more about relationship dynamics.”

Dr. Kraft also warns men that infidelity has a wide range of definitions, and for women, it may be easier to have an emotional affair than it is to do the deed with another dude.

What’s the big deal, you ask? That kind of infidelity can be just as relationship-damning, says Kraft.


5. Try not to freak out.

Okay, so now your brain is racing with visions of every guy she’s ever mentioned and every trip she’s ever taken. Relax—and take a step back, because even the aforementioned advice is meant to serve as wary words of caution (and not license to launch into crazy, jealous, over-bearing boyfriend mode).

First off, ask yourself: Do I have real reason for suspicion? Second ask: Is there evidence?

Then, if you do find yourself in the unpleasant situation of dealing with a cheating girlfriend, calmly end the relationship—or seek out a professional counselor for help if you’re not ready to give up on it yet.

Because recovering from betrayal, says Dr. Mark, is a tall order—and something no couple can do on their own.