Online Dating Guide: Finding Ms. Right
You've found someone who piques your interest, here's how to make the first move.
Kid in a Candy Store
The problem for many younger guys when choosing appropriate potential partners, notes Wendy, are “the shiny factor” and “single focus self-involvement lenses.” The most frequent offenders, in her experience, are twenty-somethings just looking to hook up or find some instant gratification. “Young guys are very visual,” she explains. “They see a tremendous rack in one of my pictures, and they’re mesmerized, and I get the IM or email.” (In fact, commenting on a woman’s physical attractiveness right off the bat can actually be a turn-off, according to Robinson, since it can be read as superficial. And yet, it’s a common enough gambit that gets would-be daters shot down on a regular basis.) So, don’t be distracted.
Next, pay attention to the major parameters of what your potential date is looking for, and honor them. “What I would honestly tell you, flat out, is that just because you don’t care what someone else is looking for doesn’t mean that they don’t care,” says Wendy. “Just because someone looks cool and has a good sense of humor doesn’t mean that a woman who clearly states, “I’m looking for marriage and children” is going to respond well to you … It doesn’t matter if you’re in your 20s and you’re interested in a woman in her 40s, but if the person you’re contacting clearly says in her profile that she’s looking for someone 35 to 45, and you aren’t even close, again, don’t waste your time, and don’t waste hers.”
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