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Ten First Date Fears

Think you're nervous? You don't know the half of it.

6) Is that a major wardrobe malfunction or a fashion statement?
I once went out on a first date with a man who showed up with his shirt on inside-out. No big. Kinda cute, actually. Except his shirt was inside-out on our second date, too. After this occurred a third time, I finally asked him (completely sincerely) whether this was a fashion statement (after all, I kid you not, he did work in fashion). "Oh!" He exclaimed. "You're right. It is inside-out!" Yes. Men have had major wardrobe malfunctions on first (and second and third) dates with me, and it is just about the most distracting thing on this planet.

I've spent many an evening wondering how you've managed to go all day with that tag stuck on your pants, your buttons not aligned, and mismatched socks. Unless your date is a super-bitch, a little wardrobe malfunction is not going to make or break you. It might even be endearing in a Nutty Professor kind of way. That being said, I would not recommend skipping the fly check before you go out.

7) Is he for real?
More important than what you say is the meta-data I'm filtering while we're out. For example, do your stories feel like they're way too practiced, i.e. like they've been told too many times to too many women? Are you disclosing too much too soon? Are you excited about me? Are you a good listener? I'm looking for signs that the person you are projecting is The Real You. Don't insult my intelligence. If you're giving me the song-and-dance, I'm going to totally be on to you.

8) Should we do the check dance now?
Do you have any idea how much thought and deliberation I've put into my half of the check dance? When I was younger, I always insisted on splitting the bill 50/50. I was told enough times that this practice of mine is emasculating, and I switched to sitting there coyly while the man reached for his wallet. But some dates clearly took this as a sign of snooty entitlement.

Thus, the check dance. I hate the check dance. The whole show is really for your benefit. What can you do about it? Easy. On your way back from the head, settle the check discretely. Then, when I suggest that we get the bill, you can just say, all suave-like, "It's already taken care of." Wow. That is so hot.

9) So, is this date over?
Okay, so sometimes I get really, really horny. I admit, sometimes I even want to take you home on the first date, but I'm really embarrassed to ask. I'd feel so much better if you made it sound like it was all your idea. I know, pretty silly of me, right? I have to admit, the same part of me that will never disclose how many men I've really slept with also doesn't want to be the one asking you upstairs. Do us both a favor and give me an opening I can work with.

10) Does he really want to see me again?
At the end of a date, I want to be clued in. Is this goodbye or see you later? If you don't think we're a good fit, you don't have to be rude about it, but don't go making promises to call me, either. I really hate it when a guy gives me all the signals that he's interested, only to never be heard from again.

On the other hand, if you're really excited about me, just tell me. No matter what your guy friends tell you, acting all nonchalant at the end of a date is not going to help you. What's the worst that could happen? She could say flat-out that she's not that into you. Better that than risking getting your signals crossed because you played it so cool that you came of icy.

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