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Things Women Need to Accept About Men

And God said, "Let there be football." And man saw that football was good. So leave us alone about it already.

Men aren't particularly complicated creatures. We like what we like, we don't like what we don't like. There are no "527 Ways to Please Your Man"—we just want to be left alone to do what we do in peace. That doesn't mean we aren't willing to make concessions for the right girl, but if your significant other has a habit of refusing to pick up his socks, you screaming at him about it will get you nothing more than a headache and a sore throat... and a floor still littered with socks.

Some things just aren't a big deal, so women are better off accepting them before they give themselves an aneurysm.

We scratch/adjust our crotch in public... and think we're being slick about it
This happens—more for some men than others—and we're always certain that no one notices even when we're elbow-deep in the waistband of our jeans. But don't call us out on it and embarrass us. Just accept it and move on.

Sundays are for football... and only football
Honestly, this isn't much of a problem anymore because a lot of women are actually into football, and those who aren't don't give us shit for planning our lives around it. But for the select few who still don't get it, between the months of September and February, don't make plans on Sundays. And, yes, all day Sunday. This doesn't mean we care less about you, we just also care about football. And there are six whole other days left in the week.

Our bathrooms are dirty... even when they're clean
Even if our bathroom is spotless in our eyes, they're just never up to snuff by a woman's standards. There's something dingy about them—a certain lack of cotton candy lily vanilla lotion and potpourri smell. Sure, sometimes we forget and leave shaving stubble in the sink and an errant pube in the shower drain, but if there aren't any mushrooms growing from the ceiling, give us a pass. It's never going to be a girl's bathroom.

We watch porn and go to strip clubs
A lot of women take it as a personal slight that their boyfriends continue to watch porn and patronize the occasional gentleman's club long after they've begun dating. This is just something we do. It's in no way indicative of your inability to satisfy us in the sack or our desire to cheat on you with a collagen-pumped blond with triple-D boobs. You're never going to let us have sex on a bear carcass and we don't want you to, so leave us to our fictionalized sexual meat puppets (and the "alone time" that accompanies them) and you can have as many ladies' nights with your friends we don't like as you want.


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