You may be giving it your all in the bedroom, but sometimes your best just isn’t good enough when it comes to pleasing your partner between the sheets. A recent survey found that 57 percent of women have orgasms most or every time they have sex, while 95 percent say their partner orgasms most or every time. To make matters worse, when you may have thought she was achieving the big O, it really was just a big NO. This study highlights that up to 80 percent of women fake orgasms.
The good news is that all may not be lost with your sex life, even if your partner isn’t always climaxing, according to sex and relationship expert Megan Fleming, Ph.D. “Not all women orgasm during sex and yet the majority would still say they enjoy sex, feel pleasure, and happily participate without feeling frustrated, cheated, or physiologically ‘pent up’,” Fleming says. “Unless the woman has persistent genital arousal disorder, women don’t have the ‘blue balls’ equivalent that men sometimes experience if they don’t ejaculate.”
What’s a man to do then? Dorian Solot, co-author of I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide suggests continuing to help your partner reach an orgasm, even if you’ve already reached completion. “If she wants an orgasm, too, a caring guy can help with fingers, tongue, sex toys, or licking/kissing/stroking her favorite erogenous zone while her fingers finish the job,” Solot says.
You can also focus on getting her off every time by steering clear of—or modifying—these four sex positions that will most likely come up short in the end—at least if your main is goal is to help her orgasm.