2) The Turn-Ons (And Turn-Offs) Conversation
Discussing what gets you going and what turns you off might be difficult, but it is necessary. Bring up down-and-dirty dislikes outside of the bedroom, says Berman, who adds that a lot of couples make the mistake of having them in the moment, and that creates a very vulnerable environment. But rather than revealing the undesired behavior outright, frame the situation with a positive, says Andrea Syrtash, author of Cheat on Your Husband (With Your Husband). “Say, ‘I really love having sex with you, and I’d love to try this.’ Offering an alternative that might work better allows you to share a turn-on while also airing a turn-off, says Syrtash.
3) The Frequency Conversation
When it comes to the frequency at which you get freaky, you don’t need to be in the same sentence but you do have to be on the same page, says Berman. What that means: “If you want it every day and she wants it once a month, that’s going to be a problem.” As with everything else, compromise is key. As unsexy as it sounds, try maintaining a sex schedule. It can give you the chance to grab props, get the shower steamy, or avoid unwanted interruptions. Berman suggests sharing an intimate sexual experience at least twice per week, but warns that there is no “magic number” that guarantees relationship bliss. Partners have to work together to find the frequency that makes them feel most fulfilled.