"How much should men vary their speed during sex? Do girls like steady consistency or a lot of different speeds?" -Rory S., Atlanta, GA
Variation is good because it keeps things interesting. There are only so many things to switch up when it comes to the physical act of sex, and speed is certainly one of them. You don’t have to start out slow and then progressively go faster and faster. Feel free to go from fast to slow to medium speed and back to slow—whatever fits the mood. Read her signs, and if she seems to be out of the moment, slow down to bring her back into it. The time to go fast is when you want to rile her up. Make sure she’s into it when you’re going fast, though, so that you don’t just seem like a horny rabbit.
There is one time, however, when you should not switch tempo: if you sense she’s getting close to having an orgasm. So, if you’re doing something that’s working for her: Do. Not. Stop. (Seriously.) Women’s orgasms can be finicky things, and if she’s getting there and you switch up the tempo it might not happen.
Amber Madison is a New York–based therapist, author, and sex columnist.