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Ask Men's Fitness: What Can I Do to Up My Girlfriend's Sex Drive?

man and woman

Q: Aside from getting buff, is there anything I can do to up my girlfriend's sex drive? —Patrick G., San Antonio, TX

A: First off, it’s important to know why her sex drive is likely to be sputtering in the first place: stress. When your girl is stressed out—whether caused by too much on her plate, trouble with work, something family- or friends-related, or even something in your relationship—her sex drive will plummet. So you need to locate the source of her stress and attack it head-on. If you’re not exactly sure what’s got her distracted, here’s your foolproof game plan:

When she gets home, tell her to sit down and unwind while you run an errand for her. If you really want to unburden her of stress, also do her laundry, wash the dishes in the sink, and tidy up the house. Then cook her a healthy meal that’s in line with how she likes to eat. (But beware of too many veggies, because you don’t want her to get gassy.) After you’ve given her 30 minutes to digest, and before she gets too tired, start kissing her and undressing her slowly. Don’t go anywhere near the bedroom, because she will associate that with sleep. So keep it on the couch or elsewhere—because the more sex feels like an escape for her, and the less it feels like something on a to-do list, the more sexy she will feel. And the more she’ll want it.

Amber Madison is a New York–based therapist, author, and sex columnist. Send your questions to

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