Dr. Tammy Nelson, Ph. D., psychotherapist/sex therapist: To please her and give her the best sex she’s ever had, you have to do only one simple thing: Pay attention to everything about her. What does she say in bed? What small noises of appreciation does she make? Does she smile, get quiet, or moan softly when you do something she likes?
Learn to read her body and her responses like a book. Don’t wait to hear her explain in detail exactly what she wants—chances are she won’t know or would be too shy to tell you anyway.
And even if you’re lucky enough to be with someone verbal, who openly expresses her desires, what she told you yesterday may not work today, so you still have to pay close attention to what works in this moment.
When you really know what your woman likes, responds to, and gets pleasure from, you can be the guy who fulfills all of her fantasies, every time—the best lover of her life.
Jena Friedman, writer/stand-up comic: It depends. For some women looking back, “the best sex of my life” may have involved rose petals and multiple orgasms, an unexpected romp with a French mime in a Parisian ghetto during a snowstorm, or a one-night stand with a war photographer with a giant wolf tattoo on his chest and shrapnel in his ass from his last stint covering Kony militants in the Congo.
I personally don’t sex and tell, so this is all just hypothetical, but one thing’s for certain: Human sexuality is a rainbow of weird that’s very hard to pin down. That means while it’s good that you care about satisfying your partner, it’s going to be impossible to predict what ingredients will add up to her “best sex ever”—so there’s no point in agonizing over it or wasting brainpower trying to figure it out.
Instead, focus your time and energy on being attentive, kind, and cool to her. That might not instantly immortalize you in her mental Rolodex of lovers, but it’s a good place to start.
Dr. Michael Aaron, Ph. D., psychotherapist/sex counselor: I’d try connecting with the mental and emotional parts of her first. If she feels like she can be totally authentic and vulnerable with you, you’ve just set the foundation for the physical fireworks to happen. That’s when you can go from good to great sex.