Assuming everything is consensual, she’s more likely to feel open to new adventures if she’s already in a state of arousal. In a recent study, subjects who were shown a variety of pictures both before and after watching pornography all rated all the pictures—even unpleasant ones—much higher after they’d watched stimulating visuals that aroused them.
So why don’t you wait till you’re already in the thick of things and she’s already hot and bothered, then bring up your interests? She’s more likely to say yes.
You can also ease her comfort level by starting out slowly, with her feeling that she’s able to “escape” easily if she wants to—by, for example, tying her hands loosely.
Or better yet, show her how to tie you up first so that she has a fun experience with it and is more willing to let go knowing you’ve let her do it to you first.
Michael Aaron, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, sex counselor, and author of Modern Sexuality: The Truth About Sex and Relationships, in bookstores this month.