Think your slow start in bed makes you a unique (albeit melting) snowflake? Not so much. Chances are she’s going through something similar—you’re just too busy thinking about yourself to realize it. “I hear a lot of women say that sex can start to feel like a chore,” Madison says. “They say, ‘When we’re having sex I’m thinking about how many calories I ate that day or what my boss said at work.’ It’s the exact same thing where people are having sex but their mind is somewhere else.” Bring her attention back to the present, and yours will follow.