For most guys, the bedroom is probably the one place you don't want to finish first. Sex experts (and, we assume, you) agree that nothing makes guys feel more insecure than coming up short when it matters most. So if you're plagued by this sexual shortcoming, relax—there are numerous ways to last longer in bed.
“All men have their own extending technique, from thinking about football or baseball or counting backwards in their heads,” says A.L. Harper, a sex expert and former editor of a U.K.-based men’s magazine. “However, these distraction techniques can end up making guys worse in bed because they aren't paying attention to their partner's pleasure.”
If you’re curious to find out the real ways to last longer, so you don't kill the mood for the both of you, check out these tips. We asked three top industry experts to share the advice they give their clients—no Viagra required.
1. Study the Kama Sutra. “There is a technique mentioned in the Kama Sutra for delaying ejaculations that basically comes down to training yourself to last longer,” says Harper. She instructs men to start slowly—with no more than one “in/out” stroke every three seconds. “He should then build more strokes slowly over the course of 4 or 5 minutes, until he is moving one stroke per second.” If the man starts to feel like he is going to come, he should stop and “hold himself inside his partner until he feels in control again. Then he begins the whole process again.”
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2. Get Out of Your Head. “Performance anxiety is the number-one killer of sustaining an erection,” says Dr. Patti Britton, a board-certified clinical sexologist. “Shift your thinking to a more confident inner voice, as opposed to a worried voice.” Britton explains that a “self-debilitating mindset” is what shuts guys down. “When you begin to feel anxiety, the strategy is to stop, take a breath, and then focus on how things feel in the body. Stay out of your head and get into your body—focus on the feelings that your body is producing for you.”
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3. Change things up. The best thing to do if you’re getting close to the edge? Alter your speed, advises human sexuality expert Catherine Toyooka, the founder of Catherine Coaches sex workshops. “Try teasing her. Take your penis out and rub just the head of it sensually up and down and between her labia. Vaginas have lots of nerve endings clustered in the lower portion of their vaginal canal, so this move will still be very enjoyable for her to experience.”
4. Slow down! “Instead of the fast-paced jack-hammering style that many men are so fond of, try taking your time,” says Toyooka. Sex at a slower pace leads to a more connected experience for both people. “It’s more sensual because you are caressing and exploring the rest of her body. Kiss her neck, nuzzle her ear, let your hands gently explore her body,” she says. The most important thing to keep in mind that will help you last longer? Enjoy the journey that leads to your destination.
5. Try a different kind of exercise. Dr. Britton suggests exercising the PC muscles (or pubococcygeus muscle, if we’re being technical). They’re the ones that stretch from the anus to the urinary sphincter. To figure out how to squeeze and contract the PC muscles, try stopping your urine flow while you’re in the middle of peeing. You’ll know it when you try it. Three sets of 15 reps per day should do the trick. “Daily PC muscle reps help a guy to literally pump himself up. Squeezing those muscles triggers good blood flow to the penis, which in turn leads to mental confidence,” she says.
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6. Practice the 7 and 9 method. Like the Kama Sutra method (mentioned in no. 1, above), Harper recommends her favorite—the 7 and 9 technique. “It's 7 fast in/out strokes, followed by 9 slow in/out strokes. Then repeat: 7 fast, 9 slow, 7 fast, 9 slow,” she says. “This rhythm is good for guys who don't last quite as long as their partner needs, and good for the ladies, as it establishes a good rhythm for her stimulation too.”
7. Don’t go deep. “If you feel that continued deep thrusting will bring on an all-too-quick orgasm, try penetrating only the lower portion of her vagina—in other words, take more shallow thrusts,” says Toyooka. “Also, alternating between shallow and deep thrusts can make you last longer, and will also make the experience a lot more fun!”
8. Squeeze. Britton recommends that men explore the “squeeze technique.” “There are three areas of the penis where squeezing or applying pressure can help a man sustain or maintain an erection.” For the first, make a tight ring with the index finger and thumb around the base of the shaft when it is erect, simulating a penile ring. It can help a man keep blood flow to the engorged penis. The second: Apply pressure on the underside of the head. “That’s a male hot spot, densely packed with nerves,” Britton says. And finally, pressing on the “perineum,” or the spot between the anus and the base of the testicles. “It will feel like the tip of the nose. If he presses with his finger, it will congest the flow of ejaculate and help quell the early release of the erection.”