Dr. Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., psychotherapist/sex therapist: Always make sure your partner comes first.

Why?

Well, first, it takes all the pressure off you to try to make her orgasm through intercourse, which is unusual and very difficult. Almost all women need direct clitoral stimulation to come. (If she is orgasming through intercourse, she’s either already turned on and her clitoral roots are being stimulated or she’s come once, so she’s more sensitive and can come again more easily.)

Second, letting her come first gives you more time to enjoy your own pleasure without worrying about how long you last or feeling guilty if you let go too soon.

And third, it gives her a pleasurable experience where she can enjoy intercourse without pressure.

Dr. Michael Aaron, Ph. D., psychotherapist/sex counselor: There’s no tried-and-true formula—it really depends on her.

Some guys feel less anxious about their own performance if they know they’ve already helped their partner come. Plus, some women feel very sensitive after an orgasm and need a break, while others can just keep coming and coming.

It’s all about what works for her. Why don’t you ask her?