Undesirable situations are just inevitable at some holiday gatherings. Here’s how to address each encounter, according to who you're dealing with:

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1. The Giver of a Dumb-Ass Gift

1. “Thanks, I totally love bacon cologne!”

2. “Thank you.” [silence] “Really.”

798. [cough] “Gift receipt.” [cough]

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2. A Stranger You Want to Talk to

1. “Seen the new BCS rankings?”

2. “How’s the punch?”

3. “Trump's hair: Think it's a toop?”

432. “Sure hope the pork’s GMO-free…”

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3. A Stranger You Want to Get Rid Of

1. “GMOs—no can do.”

2. “Punch! I’ll go.”

3. “I’ve got this scalp itch…”

711. “Into fantasy football?”

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