“A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone,” Larry David once said during a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode. After learning about seven of the most disastrous dating experiences as told by seven real women, it’s hard to argue with him. Click through to read about one woman who makes us understand why 32 percent of women we polled say they'd never date a "CrossFit guy," another who actually had a guy try to put her hand in his pants (really, skip ahead to slide four), and one whose date got a little 50 Shades—not in a good way.
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While most of these guys' fatal dating mistakes are so extreme you'd probably never "accidentally" make them yourself, you can still glean a lot of insight into the female mind through reading these ladies' stories.
And although we haven't interviewed men to find out their most disastrous dating experiences—yet—we're sure there are many of those out there too. Just check out these 10 signs you're dating a psycho.
1. ‘He Was Late Because He Didn’t Want to Miss Out on a CrossFit Workout’
While in college, I accepted a dinner invitation from a guy who became much more interested in me after finding out I was into healthy eating and fitness. He said he would pick me up on a Thursday night around 6 PM for dinner. At 5:45 that night, he texted me that he would be an hour late. I was fine with that, although I was secretly starving after class. By 7, he told me he needed another hour. He arrived at 8:30 after ‘getting lost,’ even though he was from the area. We went to a Japanese restaurant and after I ordered my entrée, he said that he was not eating and that he just wanted to watch me eat. Then, when my meal came, I was bombarded with inappropriate and irrelevant questions about my diet and fitness routine, which made it really difficult for me to eat. Who speaks with a mouth full of food? Later in the evening, I found out that he was late because he didn’t want to miss out on a CrossFit workout and got burgers with the guys before going out with me. – Niki B.
2. ‘Hey, Just Wanted to Make Sure You Aren’t Pregnant’
I went on a date with a doctor thinking that it would be a good one since he was a doctor. He was a complete jerk. He kept talking about himself and was bragging about his ex-girlfriend being a model. He barely asked me any questions. After the first date I didn’t hear from him for a month until he calls and leaves this message on my voicemail: ‘Hey, just wanted to make sure you aren’t pregnant. Call me back.’ I called him back immediately and said, ‘Excuse me, we never had sex.’ He was like, ‘Yeah, I couldn’t really remember. I go on a lot of dates...’ The fact that he couldn’t even remember that we didn’t have sex was the worst. – Danielle H.
3. ‘He Showed Up Drunk—and then He Cried.’
One time I went on a date with my sister’s fiancé’s roommate who I met on Hinge. He was late because he didn’t want to leave happy hour with his friends. Then he showed up drunk, didn’t have a reservation anywhere so we ended up at California Pizza Kitchen, and proceeded to call me pretentious. He cried because he said we didn’t hit it off. I was like, ‘No sh*t, Sherlock’ and left before dinner was over. – Liz S.
4. ‘He Took My Hand and Tried to Put it in His Pants’
A guy I went on a date with last summer actually took my hand and tried to put it in his pants… more than once. We had gone to dinner a few days prior and he invited me to dinner at his new place, so I figured he was excited to show it off. We hadn’t even kissed yet and were talking about the basics – How many siblings? What music do you like? – and BAM. We were sitting close, kind of leaning into each other, like shoulders touching the first time. He subtly moved my hand from the seat where it was to his pants and then to his crotch. It was quick and I moved right away. Then he did it again but tried to put my hand in his pants and gave me the 'You know you want this' look. But I didn't want it! I realize now I probably put out the wrong vibes by agreeing to go to his house for the second date, but still! I left without a word and never saw him again. Then I received a text from him just a month ago asking if I wanted to go to dinner and catch up. Nope. – Jan L.
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5. ‘I Had to Drive Us Home and then Invite Him into the House to Sober Up’
I was still in college and living at home at my parent’s house. My family friend set me up on a blind date. The guy came, picked me up, and drove us to dinner. Anyway, he must have been nervous. So much so that he drank himself incoherent. I had to drive us home and then invite him into the house to sober up. My parents came home and nearly passed out! – Kim K.
6. ‘Why Don’t You Ever Respond? This is So Frustrating’
I met this guy at a bar who actually showed some chivalry by standing up to this rude guy who pulled me off my seat and said, ‘You’re dancing with me.’ He stepped in and told the guy I was too nice to tell him no, but that we were in the middle of a conversation and he should walk away. So, when this guy asked for my number, I said all right, why not? He wasn’t my type, but how could I not after what he did? And we had a decent conversation. Since then he has messaged nonstop to meet up and our schedules don’t align. Then he said, ‘Why don’t you ever respond? This is so frustrating.’ … We met, it was great, unfortunately the timing wasn’t right, but he became unattractive to me. He needed constant responses and was making it seem as though we had a running dialogue or were the best of friends, which we had not become. I still get random messages. Yet, I have only met him once and I’ve made it clear I’m just not interested. – Lauren O.
7. ‘I Don’t Like to Be Kept Waiting’
I was en route to a second date with a friend of a friend, totally not my type but I love free food. I’m running late from work so I texted him to give him a heads up, to which he responded, ‘I don’t like to be kept waiting.’ Like he’s some 50 Shades type fool when in reality he played the accordion. He cancelled the date (while I was in the cab) and I went home and binge watched Scandal. His loss. – Julie S.