The French Maid

A white apron and feather duster does not a costume make, but women everywhere use Halloween as an excuse to dress like a slut. If the apple of your eye comes to the party naked as Eve, she's desperate for someone to say something about her body. Do a good deed and satiate her need by yelling "nice legs!" from across the room. She may snub you, but she'll be smiling inside.


The Schoolgirl

What do milk, yogurt, and schoolgirl costumes have in common? They all have expiration dates. Women under a certain age look pretty cute in plaid skirts and pigtails, but those old enough to remember their first Quiet Riot concert only look desperate.


The Dominatrix

No Halloween party is complete without a pseudo-dominatrix cracking her leather whip at every cute guy who crosses her path. To ensure that you go home with rosy cheeks, play the submissive role and ask if you could be her pet for the evening. Be warned: Come morning you may have a hard time sitting down.


The Vampire

It's the one day of the year Goth chicks blend in, so go for one of those weirdos you usually stare at in the mall. If you can get past her dog-collar necklace, pet snakes, and posters of The Cure, you're bound to be in for a fun, if not incredibly different, time. Just make sure to bring along some ointment and Band-Aids—those steel nipple clamps can leave marks.


The Nun

When surrounded by several dozen semi-naked coeds, it takes a ton of confidence to pull off a demure costume. Reward her for her effort by chatting her up. She'll be touched that you've chosen to spend your time with her rather than "French Maid" or "Dominatrix." If you're lucky, you just might discover the surprise she's wearing underneath that habit.