"It’s the idea of giving pleasure to each other at the same time that's the turn on for most people," says Tracey Cox, a sex, body language, and relationship expert who owns a range of products from sex toys to lubricants developed by Lovehoney. But most of that lust and anticipation fizzles when it comes to execution. Namely because this is a terribly clumsy sex position.
Plus, it's really easy to get lazy on your end. "If your partner is sending you through the roof, the tendency is to forget about them and try to get away with a few lackluster licks: same goes for them if you’re working your magic," Cox says.
"On the upside, 69ers are great for variety and work well when you’re so turned on just about anything will feel good," she adds.
Use Cox's tips for making the well-known position less tricky, more comfortable, and much, much hotter.
Flip Your Perspective
You make this position far less awkward if you both lie on your sides facing each other. "Each of you draws your inner thigh up so it can be used as a cushion for your partner’s head," Cox explains. It’s a simple variation on the norm but a lot more comfortable for both of you. Plus, no one suffocates.
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There's a lot going on during 69 and it can sometimes feel like a coordination test (pat your stomach, rub your head). So, if you like the traditional position (one on top of the other, not sideways) but have trouble keeping your mind on the job, take turns. "You can give her oral while she uses her hand to stimulate you," Cox says. And she can go to town on you while you use your fingers on her. Using your hands isn't cheating, by the way. It can help both of you climax. "Use your hands when you need a little break and also to ensure you’re hitting the right spots," Cox adds.
Introduce a Vibrator
When you're giving your mouth a break, "use a small vibe on her and hold it in place," Cox suggests. Rather than you moving the vibrator, have her move her hips. This way she controls the speed and can build up to her climax. It also takes a lot of the guesswork off your hands... literally.
"It sounds obvious but a well-placed pillow under the head of the person lying down will prevent any neck strain," Cox says. This means (and pretty much guarantees) a longer, more satisfying session for the recipient on top. Everyone wins.
Let Her Go on Top
Be a gentleman and let your lady go on top. Chivalry aside, this will prevent you from pushing yourself too deep or too forcefully into her mouth if you can’t stop yourself from thrusting your hips, Cox says.