You know that feeling, don’t you? Desperately trying to think of the least-sexy thing you can, in an uncomfortable attempt to delay your oncoming orgasm. Every guy out there has had the experience of wanting to last longer during sex, and I'd bet 99.9% of them have turned to the internet to find a solution.
The problem is that the majority of the tips you run across are incredibly unpleasant to actually do. You may have read about things like squeezing the head of your penis, roughly tugging on your balls, or using sprays or condoms designed to numb your penis of all sensation. It can feel like you’re having to choose between the lesser two evils—orgasming faster than you’d like, or having extremely unpleasant sex. Neither option sounds particularly tempting.
Fortunately, there are other options: In my sex therapy practice, I’ve developed programs for my male clients that are chock-full of solutions that are actually enjoyable for you and for her. Here are six smoking hot ways to last longer in the sack.
1. Practice with masturbation
If you’re like most guys, you’ve got your masturbation routine down to a science. Unfortunately, you may have optimized your routine a little too much. Most of my clients tell me they spend just a minute or two masturbating. What you’re doing when you masturbate that quickly is training your body to orgasm quickly. Instead, you need your masturbation habits to mimic your goals during sex. Think about however long you want to last during sex. You should aim to masturbate for around double that length. Practice getting yourself to the edge, but not going over, until you’ve reached your time frame. Masturbating is fun, so this shouldn’t feel like a chore!
You can also increase your stamina and shake up your masturbation routine by using male masturbators, like the Tenga Flip or the BlewIt. Both of these toys completely envelop your penis, so they more closely mimic intercourse than using your hand. You can even try using the toy in different positions.
And don’t forget, you can also use the old trick of masturbating before a date too!
2. Play with your thrusts
A lot of guys lose control over their orgasmic timing because they get swept up in jackhammer-style thrusts. You know what I’m talking about! You find your groove, you start to zone as you pound away, and before you know it, you’re on the brink of orgasm. You can prevent yourself from getting caught in this trap by changing up your thrusting routine. Alternate between different combinations of fast and slow, and shallow and deep. For example, do ten fast, shallow thrusts, then five slow, deep ones. Repeat three times. Then switch it up, and do ten slow, deep thrusts, followed by five fast, shallow ones. Next try ten fast, deep thrusts, then five slow, shallow ones. Really pay attention to how your body moves in the different combinations. You can tap into a level of sensuality that you’ll both enjoy. Plus, there’s an added bonus to the shallow thrusts; they don’t give you super intense stimulation, so they’ll naturally help you last longer.
3. Change positions
Oftentimes, all that you need to bolster your stamina in the moment is a change of position. Fortunately, trying new positions is always fun. We all love the novelty of trying something new in the bedroom, and there are an endless number of sex positions. You can discover which positions work best for her orgasm, and which ones work best with helping you delay yours. Try Cowgirl. A lot of men say they can last longer when the woman is on top, since you’re less likely to get carried away. Cowgirl is the best position for female orgasm, so it’s a win-win. You can also look for positions that are pleasurable, but not as intense as something like Doggystyle. A great example is the Cross. You lie on your side, and she lies on her back, with her body draped over yours perpendicularly (her knees will rest on your side).
4. Tease her
You’ve probably heard of the “stop-start” technique before, where you stop when you feel yourself getting too close to orgasm. That technique does help you last longer, but the problem is what to do when you’re taking a break. Most men feel awkward about it, like they’re just supposed to lie there, frozen in time. You can make this move so much sexier by turning it into a way to tease her. Pretending that you’re taunting her and not giving her what she wants. Try stopping and pulling all of the way out of her. Wait until you see a surprised look on her face, then say, “Oh, I’m sorry, did you want more of this?” Or pull out and tell her to get on all fours. Instead of plunging right back into her, slowly run your fingers all over her, and tell her she has to wait for more. This move is so hot, you won’t feel embarrassed about taking a quick breather.
5. Swap out with a toy
Does your lady have her own sex toy collection? If so, you can put it to good use! See if she has a wand vibrator (these are the ones that are phallus-shaped, and designed for insertion). Before you start having sex, ask her to get the toy out. During foreplay, run the toy over her clitoris for a bit, then slowly insert it into her. Play around with it until you get comfortable moving it in and out of her. Then put it away on the bedside table, or on the corner of the bed, and start having intercourse. When you need a break, pull out, then use the toy to penetrate her. Try to mimic your own thrusts. She’ll keep getting the same type of stimulation she was getting before, so she won’t even think twice about you taking a quick break. And you get to enjoy watching her squirm, without the distractions of trying to manage your orgasmic timing.
6. Focus on her
Another sexy way to take a break is to spend some time focusing on just her. Pull out and start kissing all over her neck and breasts. Stroke her clitoris with your tongue or fingers, or her vibrator. Switching things up this way will surprise her and make you seem like an expert lover. Or, try my absolute favorite trick—pull out and rub the head of your penis on her clitoris. The clitoris is the real hot spot for women. You’ll be able to give her the stimulation she needs, and she’ll be able to watch you do it. It doesn’t get any hotter than that.